Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Welcome to HUH? the On-Line Blog-a-Zine of Crack-Pot America!

Back in the early 90's I created a uhm, sort of successful alternatively published magazine called "HUH?" It was basically an attempt to put together art and literature which was focused on the crack-pots in my town of Albuquerque, street people and others who decided that the world needed to know that they were creating an anti-gravity machine in their back yard from chicken wire, old airconditioner parts and copper coil. They were desperate to tell me that the U.S. govt. knew of their secret projects and plans, and, in cahoots with the World Bank, run by International Jewish Bankers like Ted Turner, were trying to prevent them from finishing! No! I said! No! The world must be informed of these crack-pots and their plights! And by God, if any money could be made off their plight, all the better!

Well the magazine went from local to international pretty quickly as crack-pot information from the world over came flooding into my offices! (o.k. my bedroom, where the computer was.) I published about five issues or so. (I'll try to put up some of the covers and art here if I can). At any rate, I've been on several News groups and chat rooms where crack-pots seem to magnetize themselves to me. I figured that the world needs to know of their plights as well. The new Electronic Publishing, I thought, would be perfectly suited to such an enterprise! People could read my blog-a-zine and write in their own crack-pot ideas or those ideas they've heard bandied about their towns.

The world is full of odd-balls, kooks, nutbars, dufuses, village idiots and crack-pots. No one medicates them. No one institutionalizes them, so they become marginalized members of the whole community, like unwanted pets or stray animals. But being human beings and having a RIGHT to speak (and no matter how schizophrenic, sociopathic or just weird they are, they all seem to be very well aware of the 1st Amendment Rights). . .and an urgent desire to communicate, I tend to try to listen, ferreting out some grain of truth or beauty or poetry from the rambling stream-of-consciousness rants.

So here I go, doing something I shouldn't oughta do. Making gentle fun of the outcasts of our crumbling society as we rush headlong into the coming Apocalypse. (And believe me, every one of these kooks will agree that the END IS NIGH!) But why not have some fun and a sip of champagne as we descend to our global doom? It could be a laugh.

Today's Genuine Crackpot: MARK EARNEST, from Texas, Land o' Bush! His website: http://www.geocities.com/gmearnest/classic_blue.html

Mark believes very much that angels, real angels are not living in heaven. (That is simply their vacation home which is "under construction.") No. these angels live among us humans. They act, look, speak and live as humans. They buy houses, refrigerators, drive cars, take their kids to soccer practice, fly rescue choppers and even submarines. They especially like to play baseball. They are more fond of it than we are. Based on the premise that God likes to set human ideas and principles against one another and have divine justice meted out through battle. Mark views all human sports and games as mock battles among angels. When one team wins, then the idea of Communism takes precedence. When another team wins, Democracy flourishes! Often these battles take place in heaven as huge chaotic jousting tourneys. Where angels use "real swords" to determine whether one baseball team or another on earth wins.

You can tell who these hidden (secret-agent) angels are by noticing if they drink a lot of orange juice! Yes, they love O.J. because it comes from the Sun. All angels are made of "star-dust." (Whereas we humans are but earth-dust, seconds in the universal "stuff" dept.) So they live basically on Orange Juice, tropical fruits and angel food cake! (of course!) they have bodies which they manufacture from human DNA but which can be left on "autopilot" when the angels need to unsheath their mighty wings (which they usually keep hidden under their massive back muscles and which cannot be detected by any human doctor!) Then they fly up to heaven (heaven is in the sky...in case you forgot) where they bring back big doses of Heavenly Energy from God, back to earth. These angels can also change from male to female, old to young, rich to poor. In fact many hang out in male homeless shelters with the gods like Poseidon and Zeus. You can tell they are angels because of their "fluid movements" "elven smiles" and "twinkling eyes" as well as their six million year old wrinkles. You find one of these beings slugging down O.J. and eating Hostess Twinkies tm and you have found yourself an angel!

Angels, according to Mark, used to live in Atlantis. But lost it all when it sank. So they grew gills and live there, in the Mid-Atlantic, underwater. . .way down, below the ocean as Donovan used to sing. Still, these flying, diving prodigies often need to pilot subs and helicopters in their effort to bring good tidings of orange juice and spongecake to a decidedly blind and hapless mankind. Every time a person is rescued it is by an angel. Every time a person is directed to something they need, it is by an angel. (Even at Home Depot tm or WalMart tm )According to Mark they are one out of every five individuals. There are 100 billion of these angels. And even though there seem to be 6.5 billion people on earth, there are in fact 5 billion angels here! Now of course this doesn't equate to one out of five, but math is not Mark's strong suit. Many of the angels we do not see are invisible because literally they are dead. They are dead and striving to be real by taking up human life. Heaven, according to Mark is full of dead people. And no one should EVER listen to a dead person, dead people are ghosts. God also is invisible and lives in heaven...but he is not a ghost. He has thousands of bodies here, "like an octopuses tentacles" which he manipulates to relate to us.

The newest news flash from Mark has been that "90,000,000 years ago," when dinosaurs roamed the earth, the T-Rex had to be fed packaged meats by angels, because the T-Rexes otherwise would have eaten all the other dinosaurs! (Where did thd dinoburgers come from? He won't say). Of course T-Rex only developed about 70,000,000 year ago, but that is Markian Mathematics for you. By the way, those days were called "Once upon a time" days. Very scientific. I neglected to mention that angels are born from eggs which incubate in the ocean for one million years before the angels hatch. Previous to that they simply traveled in space from the beginning of time. Young angels liked to hunt T-Rex for sport. Sort of like knights hunting dragons.

That's pretty much it in a nutshell.

Do you have a crack-pot story to tell or crack-pot art to share? Publish it here! And give me some comments as well. We reserve the right to delete any crapola. And yes, we are in charge of determining if what you write is crapola.

Crackpot idea of the century: President G. W. Bush thinks Jesus will return and that he will be resurrected before global warming strikes! All of us who are left here after the resurrection, sorry suckahs!

Content by David St. Albans 2006. All rights reserved. c. Send me an email if you would like to reprint this material.

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